A hurting heart
by Dream McKinney
Summary: Dream has a secret, someone found out and she had to leave, will someone else find out? all her freinds want is to help her but she dosen't understand. she dosen't want help. Please R&R!
1. Cold Nights

Chapter one  
  
She sat in the corner of the bar watching from afar the smug newsies that filled the rest of the room. The bar was only a temporary refuge from the harsh cold wind that blew outside, it would be closing soon and would be leaving her to face the lonely dark and what her fate held for her outside on the streets. One of the waitresses pasted by and she slouched in her chair wanting to go unnoticed.  
  
  
  
The noise and laughter grew and with it the tears that flooded her eyes. She too was once a newsie, and a loved one or at least she would like to think so. She set her eyes to the girl on stage and refused to blink due to the tears she knew would fall if she did. The girl gave a slight bow and blushed a little from the hoots and hollers coming from every direction she jumped down and joined a rather rowdy table as the next performer came out.  
  
  
  
There where even more howls as the girl was being introduced "simmer down" the announcer cried in a pleading voice over the rather loud newsies "next we have ." her mind started to wander again, not hearing the name as she looked from face to face searching for someone who might know her, someone who might help her, someone who didn't know her past.  
  
she wrapped her arms around her as if tightly giving her self a hug and slipping even further down in to the chair till she was completely hidden. She no longer had an identity her name no longer mattered and her friends were gone. She let one tear twinkle down at the thought of her friends. Of Stress, Smarts, Dragonfly, Chipper, and the many others she loved so much. she shook her head as to rid it of the blissful memories that seemed only to cause so much pain now. She put her hand to her chest as if holding the aching heart that was inside.  
  
  
  
Finally the girl was done and more howls proceeded "Hades" was the name being chanted and "one more" where the calls that seemed to follow it. She looked back to the stage at a lanky girl with long brown hair, and some of the prettiest eyes she had seen since she left Jersey, and then the girls beautiful voice had began again and she sighed remembering her Chipper, the one that would sing and dance to the hollers back home. Again she shook her head trying to do away with the memory she no longer had a home.  
  
  
  
She wiped the tears away, she would never let anyone see her cry and this was no exception. She sat straight in her chair waiting patiently as the hours passed cause soon she would have to leave, however her peaceful silence was interrupted by the same waitress she had tried to hide from: "'cusse me dear, ya gonna get something?" she raised an eyebrow at the pretty waitress who was still only a girl herself but shook her head no praying that she would only go away and leave her in the despair she was wallowing in. Yet she took the seat next to her and directed her attention to the stage to watch the girl perform.  
  
  
  
The song seemed to end way to soon, with its ending began a new uproar and a new conversation. The waitress turned back to the smaller girl who hid herself in the corner out of view, and she held out her hand "hey ya I'se Gypsy but ya can call me Gip for short" the meek but intimidating girl extended her arm to met it with Gip's, racking her own brain for a name, she could no longer use Problem, the only name she had used since the day her mother died. "well ain't ya got a name?" the waitress asked sarcastically. She thought quickly and then said "I'se Dream" Smarts secret name for her since only she knew of her aspirations and dreams.  
  
  
  
She nodded as if trying to convince herself more then Gip. "it's Dream" she repeated receiving a bizarre look from Gip. "nice shiner" Gip took Dreams head in her hands looking over the bruised eye. Dream jerked her head away and was ready to shoot a smart-ass remark back but caught her self. She was in a strange place and to her it was better to have one cocky friend then none at all.  
  
  
  
Gypsy left to join another table, taking back by Dreams response to her actions she left with out so much as a goodbye and Dream was once again left to her sorrow filled silence till the bar closed.  
  
  
  
With her new found name, Dream walked the lonely streets in the Dark till she found the alley from the night before. She walked slowly to the back of it where she calmly sat down on an old newspaper pulling the one beside it lightly over herself hoping it would block even just a bit of the cold wind that bit at her fingers and nose, and there she sat against the building wall trying unsuccessfully to get a little sleep.  
  
  
  
And so this is how her new life began with every morning waking it was off to see what she could scrap up to eat and then when evening fell back to the bar where she would sit quietly letting her mind wonder till it was time for her to face the harsh reality of sleeping out side in that cold alley again.  
  
  
  
Her cuts that were once so visible and the bruises that once covered her pale skin had almost completely vanished.  
  
  
  
On her lonesome nights in that bar she made friends, however they were not the kind that one would actually met and talked to. Each night she would pick a different newsie, one that seemed to being enjoying them self and she would give them her very own name and make up their past one that pleased her.  
  
  
  
Dream squinted with one eye as she woke to the loud calls of the New York newsies. When she sat up she hit her head because she was taken back by two girls that were sitting on a crate in the deserted alley staring at her. Dream jumped to her feet feeling a little uneasy about what was going on. "what do you want?" she half asked half demanded.  
  
  
  
The smaller girl started to giggle. She had dark brown hair with dark green eyes to match. She looked like a newsie by the way she was dressed but she didn't have papers and Dream had never seen her in the bar. However the other girl was in the bar almost everyday that week when Dream was there. She was tall and looked rather like a giant next to the smaller girl. She had light brown hair and hazel eyes. Dream was startled when the taller girl gave the smaller one a slight smack in the head.  
  
  
  
"quite Timber!! Ya scarin' 'er" she hissed to the smaller girl who didn't like this to well and got up to defend herself. "just cause you'se bigger don't mean I'se scared of ya Toity" she put up her fist in a fighting manner. But the older girl just shrugged it off she was more interested in Dream.  
  
  
  
Dream kept her straight face and stepped back from the duo a little uncertain of the unexpected visit. "what do ya want?" Dream asked again still rubbing her head from the bump into the wall. 


	2. A Warm Bed

Chapter 2  
  
Shaking her head to clear the pain, Dream put her fist ups in the same fighting manner Timber had earlier to protect herself. Both the girls now started to laugh and Dream took her chance, running straight to the alleys opening, as fast as she could not stopping to look behind her. "hey wait" was the only faint sound she heard coming from behind her. after about five minutes of what seemed none stop running curiosity got the best of her and she turned to see if she had lost the two. But they were gaining on her and as she turned to watch where she was going she hit something and fell to the ground.  
  
"damn it" Dream hissed as she fell to the ground. Everything was spinning and she didn't know what to do, then the lights just went out.  
  
Dream woke up looking around the dim lit place. There was no one around so she got up making her way toward the window she wasn't sticking around to find out who had picked her up. Half way through the window someone scolded her "what do ya think ya doing?" to frightened to move Dream stood frozen at the window sill. "'ello?" the girl said again. "ah ah" stammered Dream, she couldn't get anything out, and for the first time in her life that she could ever remember she didn't have a smart-ass reply.  
  
  
  
"hey she's tryin' ta get away" the rather short girl whose hair was light brown and in pigtails said, and for just a second her green eyes caught on to Dreams blue ones before she turned to see if the others were on their way.  
  
There Dream stood still frozen in her own skin as the girls piled in the door way one by one till there was about twelve total. The only thing she could move was her eyes and that she did, going from one girl to the other till she reached the end of the line where she spotted a familiar face. It was Gip and she pushed right on threw the crowd of girls making her way up to Dream where she stopped. "I'se member ya, you'se Dream from da bar" she smiled in self satisfaction at her great memory.  
  
Finally able to move but still shaking Dream pulled her body back into the room, now she was just sitting on the windowsill. Her leg was shaking from being nervous so she tried placing her hand on top of it to help it steady, but it did not work. Thinking that she was able now to hide her fear Dream spoke up but it still came out a little squeaky "yeah so what do ya want a cookie?".  
  
The line was meant to insult Gip but instead another voice from the group of girls cried "I would!" which caused a round of laughter from the whole room even a tiny tickle crept into Dreams throat.  
  
The direction of the conversation changed and soon Dream found herself sitting on a bunk in the corner still surrounded by many of the curious girls who were asking questions and telling stories. It was all a little to over whelming for Dream, one day living in a warm lodging house with plenty of friends, next on the cold harsh street with no one to help her, and then some how she safely found her way back into a nice warm lodging house, with new and different friends. But not better, no one could ever be better Dream thought to her self drowning out the rest of the bunk room, and even the girls still talking to her.  
  
'Could this be a new beginning?' she thought to herself as she laid in her new bed. 'or will this just be another heart ache I have to deal with?' she wrapped her blanket around her tighter no longer thinking but only praying "please God don't let them find out my secret" she whispered into the soft blanket, or maybe only thinking it was soft compared to the uncomfortable newspaper she had been using. And then she fell fast asleep. 


	3. A new start?

Chapter 3  
  
For the first time in almost two weeks Dream woke up warm. Safe and warm. She looked around the room at all the busy news girls getting ready. They were beginning a new day while Dream was beginning a new life. She stretched in her bed not really wanting to get up, but she did.  
  
She searched the room for the first friendly face to help her out. She found it. It was one of the older girls. She was short with long blonde hair and green eyes. Shy but not intimidated Dream worked her way over to where the girl stood, standing in front of her. "hey ya" the girl looked up to see Dream "I'm Riles" she held out her hand to shake. Dream shook her hand and in return gave a slight smile.  
  
Dream was off to her first day as a New York newsie with Riles, and although she wanted to jump for the joy of being relieved, saved, alive...she was screaming inside form the loneliness, tears, hurt, and betrayal she felt.  
  
Memories flowed back of Jersey and again she shook the thoughts loose she wanted no more pain. Her trance was put to an end with a slight nudge from Riles and suddenly she remembered she didn't have to deal with that anymore. It was all over. But no matter how hard she told herself this she knew it wasn't true somewhere deep down she just knew.  
  
The day had came to a long end and with the ending of the day came new newsies to meet. The girls, who by now she had learned many of their names, where off to another lodging house this one they said was in Manhattan.  
  
When they arrived they were greeted by a group of boys. Many of the boys Dream had seen before, at the bar. Dream felt as if she were being passed form girl to girl each wanting her to meet some other guy, each laughing and joking and going on with their lives. Finally escaping the torments of being passed like a doll around the room Dream slipped on to a bunk in the corner as she watched the new set of newsies interact with each other. Poker games started and people chatted while Dream sat in the corner going form group to go trying to memorize names faces and couples.  
  
There was Blaze who was tall with long, wavy, dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes, she seemed to have a knack for running off with the girls hat and in this case also a newsies named Bumlets, she was standing in the corner with him and every time his moth opened he had her laughing.  
  
Next to them were Punky, Bottle Cap, Spin, Jake, Dutchy and Dibs. Punky was also rather tall with dirty blond hair, and from what it looked like she was attached to Dutchy another of the Manhattan newsies. Bottle Cap and Spin were sisters from what Dream had gathered. Bottle Cap had Long, straight, auburn hair, blue eyes with white flecks, was as sweet as they come and was with Dibs who happened to be a Brooklyn newsie Dream would later learn. Her twin sister however, Spin, was short with ice blue eyes Brown hair and freckles, she wasn't quite as sweet though. Spin was pretty and seemed to adore Jake who stood tall by her side but for some unknown reason didn't like Dream. Dream didn't really care, she was never one to please people so she just shrugged it off and kept going around the room.  
  
The other corner held four more newsies. Mist who was tall with Light brown hair, ending a few inches below her shoulder and gray-blue eyes that really sparkled was with a newsie named Mush. With those two in the corner were Hades and Toity. Hades was the lovely girl who sung in the bar the first night Dream used it as her refuge. She had extremely long brown hair, beautiful eyes that were dark with a ring of violet around them, and an unusual shade of dark red.  
  
Sitting around a table indulged in a game of poker was Gip the waitress from the bar, Skittery a tall Manhattan newsie who kept her company, Riles who was with a blond boy who had a patch over his eye and whose name was still a mystery to Dream. Martini who has long waist length blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a face that is sprinkled with freckles and from the look of it seemed to be very determined about winning the poker game. Timber on the other had looked like she was playing more for sport then to win. Because even form the corner in which Dream sat she could hear her cracking a different joke every two seconds.  
  
In the last corner, the corner closest to Dream where the last three newsies that were scattered around the lodging house that night. Saint was sitting in a chair reading one of her left over news papers and playing with a bracelet she has around her ankle. Saint is a young newsie only about thirteen with brown hair and is very meek. Standing next to Saint leaning against the wall is Cards the newsie who caught Dream sneaking out the window and it looked like she was with Race. Dream covered her moth at the sight of Race, she knew him. She closed her eyes trying to remember, to place him and she gasped for air when it hit her. he was Dragonfly's Race. She hid her face in her hands as she thought of Dragonfly.  
  
Dream couldn't take it anymore she got up calmly but fast hopeful that Race did see her, that he didn't remember her like she remembered him. She walked into the bathroom and slowly found her way into a stall. She sat on the toilet and just began to cry. She reached in her pocket and pulled out the little piece of metal she carried with her from the start of that first day she had began her secret. She remembered the words that chipper had told her, she tried to stop and she did ever since that last day in the Jersey lodging house, but now, well now it was to much to bare. All the memories they just hurt her so much, she needed her release.  
  
Dream again remembered the words of Chipper the day she told Smarts and Stress about her secret "Dream why would you want to do this to yourself?" all Dream had did was shrug as Chipper kept speaking: "how long have you been doing this? Do you remember when you started?........" 


	4. What it all comes down to

Chapter Four  
  
"do you remember when you started?" the words cut into Dream as she did the same to her arm. 'remember?' she asked herself "how could I forget? I remember exactly. It was the night I found out, about you and Caps. Your one of my best friends in the world and you betrayed me."  
  
Dream let the tears fall as she continued on with what she wanted to say to Chipper that night but couldn't " I came home and found you together. It wasn't even a month, not even a week, and there, there you two stood holding each other and making me hurt, do you remember that day? The day I turned and ran? From you, from my problems, my troubles I just ran and kept running letting my legs carry me at fast as they would and before I knew it, I had returned I was back to the lodging house it was dark and I was back, back to face another day of painful and agonizing pain as I watch the two of you. One of my best friends and the one I had loved. "I'm home" I said to no one. Before I walked up the stairs I stopped and there it was, Morgan's letter opener, I had no intention of doing what I was about to I just.. I just picked it up and ran it under an old letter he had left out. It opened so easily and with no effort on my part at all. Then I placed the blade next to the skin on arm and watched as it made a smooth cut down my arm and bled. I watched the blood that gathered on the floor, and for the first time I felt relived about everything. At that moment everything in my life was okay. All my problems seemed to flow away like the blood on the floor did. I was satisfied finally and then exhausted."  
  
  
  
Dream quickly pulled her pink undershirt down over the fresh wound when she heard someone enter the washroom. "Dream!?" the voice called and she had recognized it. "Dream!? Its me Timbah"  
  
  
  
Dream whipped her eyes and walked out of the stall trying her best to look okay. It was time for her to forget Jersey, time for her to move on she said to herself. 


End file.
